A loving relationship can be a wonderful, positive, uplifting, rejuvenating thing but, when it ends emotions can arise that you never thought you had. When a person gets rejected by someone they love its a hard emotion to handle. It hurts when you think that the relationship is going in one direction and you find out that it's not reciprocated.
This is what happened in the case, “Unilateral Union” Alex and Anna are co-workers. Alex has noticed Anna and thought that she was someone he would love to date or possibly marry. He tried asking her out in the past but, was never successful. He was delighted when he found out that they would be working on a project together. Anna had never noticed Alex before, however the work project brought them together and eventually they started dating. After 6 months of dating she started to withdrawal from the relationship and Alex thought she may be seeing another guy. She was avoiding him and was being aloof and evasive. She eventually broke up with Alex and this made him feel like she was making a mistake and if he tried harder she would see that mistake. He started calling her several times a day and sending flowers. His behavior scared Anna and she was starting to fear for her safety. She knew that he was following her and spying on her. She finally got a restraining order against him when she showed proof of his violent messages and the dagger he left in her mailbox.
Alex and Anna did not have co-orientation with each other, only at work when working together on the project. There was not a common focus in regards to their relationship. Anna wanted to break up with Alex a long time before she did but she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Alex thought that everything was going great with Anna and was hurt when she broke up with him. The more she withdrew from the relationship the more he pursued her. He thinks if he is persistent that he will eventually win her back. His behavior scares her and she is afraid to go anywhere alone. She transferred to a different department just to get away from him. He wondered why she would leave because he knew how much she enjoyed working in the department she was already in. There was not a common focus in regards to their relationship. The more she withdrew from the situation the more he pursued her.
Punctuation in their interactions were not at the same time so their relationship was never on an equal playing field. Anna did like Alex in the beginning until she got to know him. At first she thought he was charming and attractive and eventually she knew he wasn't someone she would want to be with because he was very controlling. Alex felt like his best months were those spent with her and he could tell she wasn't feeling the same for him as he did for her. He thought he he gave her more attention he would eventually show her that he was a good person for her and she would want to be with him. When he found out that she was seeing another guy he immediately became jealous. This is a common reaction and it happens when a relationship is in transgression or if a partner is spending extra time with someone else. He valued Anna and when he was losing her it became a threat. Humans have the ability to act on emotions because we interpret and respond to situations through emotions. In this case Anna had the power because she did not want to be with Alex anymore. he was struggling to regain the power and was trying to influence her to do what he wanted. She viewed this as a negative form of power because he was harassing her and she was not freely able to control her environment.
There will be relationships in our lives that will eventually come to an end. It can be a difficult process to go through because a person gets used to being with someone. When infidelity occurs it can be sexual or emotional. If a person has emotional infidelity it is a lot more damaging because that person is involved with their heart and not their head. There is nothing that hurts worse than to be rejected by someone you love, and I honestly believe in situations like this, that the best revenge is forgiveness.
Great job, Laura! I really liked how you included the power relations between Alex and Anna. I did forget to mention this in my own case blog analysis and am glad you brought it up for the class. I feel like the power is in both Alex and Anna's hands, but in different ways. Alex has the power in a sense because he instills a sense of fear in Anna that forces her to change her lifestyle. Anna holds power as well, but really only briefly on two occasions, when she breaks up with him and when she files a restraining order against him. I guess it depends on your point of view who has the most, most influential power.
ReplyDeleteThe way in which you introduced the case when exemplary of what occurs as an emotional reaction to something detrimental and heart breaking. During such times, we experience emotions that are foreign to us and we may not know quite how to handle them; or we can do quite the opposite and oppress the emotions.
ReplyDeleteThis case was about the evolution of a work relationship gone wrong. You are correct in saying that co-orientation was non-existent in the relationship between Alex and Anna. Alex got wrapped up in a deep infatuation with Anna and Anna lost interest in Alex and severed communication him without giving any explanation. Alex did not know how to interpret what had occurred and thought the only way to get her attention would be to try and talk to her. So, Alex began to follow her, not thinking ever that it was behavior that would be considered "stalking." I also agree with you in saying that Alex felt threatened when Anna severed ties with him.
The feeling of rejection is such a horrible experience, but it is something that we eventually overcome and can be of some ease when there is some type of communication involved where both parties know the relationship is being terminated. I loved the last part of your post. "The best revenge is forgiveness."
Hi Laura,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your analysis of this case study. You made some good points about the power that Anna had over Alex, and how he felt threatened and hurt by losing her. His feelings of rejection led to a downward spiral in Anna's feelings towards him, so much so that she got a restraining order against him. This was an interesting case that showed how one partner is aggressive for one reason, and the other partner becomes fearful of such aggression, and you showed that clearly in their actions and re-actions towards each other.
Nancy Hannigan
Wonderful job writing about this case! I liked what you had to say at the end of your writing. You did a good job of taking something that people see as being extremely negative and wording it in a way that explains how Alex felt. But at first when reading this case I was happy for Alex and Anna until things really took a turn. I was not expecting Alex to act the way he did. He was beginning to become quite irrational and it was definitely coming off as a threat to Anna. It was unfortunate the steps Anna had to take, but in the end I feel they were necessary given the situation.
ReplyDeleteFinding out that love is not going in both directions is hard. I dated someone for four years we broke up and he got engaged to someone a month later. I broke me down like I have never felt before so when alex is hurt i knew how he was feeling and was on his side not the stalker part but you dont know that your doing a lot of it tell you take a step back and say what am i doing. With anna I see her side to we all have been on that side of the relationship and it sucks hurting someone you care about or once cared about. I hope that alex never did anything to anna and that she moved on with her life .
ReplyDeleteKayla Deresin