Yard Sales and Yellow
Roses: Rituals in Enduring Relationships
Martha
and Jack’s Relationship Culture/Maintaining: In reality these days it
is hard to find a couple that have been able to maintain their relationships
whether in a friendship or marriage as well as Jack and Martha have. Of course,
it helps that they have been able to stay on the level of communications within
their 26 years of marriage. For example, during and through their courting
stages, when they first started getting to know one another, there was a physical
attraction and the enjoyment, excitement and companionship they shared that
kept them wooing. This occurred within the initiating and experimenting stages
of the two “coming together”. However, when they started acknowledging and accepting
themselves as a couple, they began to self-disclose, which allowed both to see profoundly
into one another’s beliefs and values; which happens within the intensifying
and integrating stages. The final stage of “coming together” is bonding. Jack
and Martha clearly and understandably loved what they discovered in and learned
about each other resulting in their marriage. As a couple, they adapted to their
life changes such as jobs and children. Knowing their partner has the same
values and beliefs may have brought them closer together mentally and
emotionally; they don’t always need to be together to know how they feel about
one another. However, by engaging in
activities they enjoy with one another, such as sitting on the porch swing or
their annual yard sale, they have managed to connect and bring out the positive
nature in their relationship.
Martha
and Jack’s Rituals: Yellow rose, popcorn, Jack’s belly button, a midday
text, nicknames, Mornings-fresh ground coffee, reading the paper together, porch
swing, yard sale, 93 and 96 cents.
Martha and Jack without Rituals: Without
these rituals, Martha and Jack would be missing a very essential part of their
marriage. Behind each ritual lies a story full of meaning that’s ties them both
together creating a unique bond; one that pulls them closer or as one would say
the ties that bind. If they didn’t have these, they might feel a little distant,
resulting in poor communication. Poor communication leads to misunderstandings
and misunderstandings can often lead to relationship failure.
Importance
of Rituals: Life is not measured by the number of breaths
we take but the number of moments that take our breath away. Since life is full
of many trials, the only thing that is constant is change and change occurs
within every relationship. Rituals allow you to reflect upon cherished memories
while also allowing you to anticipate to what is to come. Because we reflect
and look forward to them always being a part of our lives, it can be easier to
manage change as well as deal with loss. It provides an emotional connection
with someone that words alone cannot describe.
Martha and Jack: When someone is “on
the outside looking in”, a little thing such as a
porch swing may not seem like
a big deal, but to Martha and Jack, it brings back a feeling, a
memory, of when
they first fell in love. You could also see this from a novelty vs.
predictability standpoint. It is strange how when we love someone, the smallest
things
about them can drive us crazy, yet when those “things” are gone , we
miss them because it
just doesn’t feel right, hence absence makes the heart
grow fonder. The porch swing to
them was “food to their soul”. The porch swing
was a place where they envisioned their
future together. As their children grew
older, rituals they had once had as a family may not
take place anymore. Now the porch swing not only allows them to
reflect back and
acknowledge their trials and triumphs, fiascoes and
accomplishments as a couple, but also
allowed them to reflect on their most
cherished lifetime memories.
